Wyll Holloway
Kweku’s Korner
By Wyll Holloway
As I was talking with a few men this last weekend at the Integrated Community Education Consultants (ICEC) book signing for “I Just Need a Minute,” (a men’s mental health guide, co-authored by me and Walter Cullin Jr.)
I noticed something. As my partner, Walt, and I shared our strategies for slowing ourselves down and giving ourselves time to recharge and reset, I saw mixed responses from the crowd.
After we gave our presentation about what we do and how others can incorporate healthy strategies into their daily routine, many people came up to talk with us individually. There seemed to be a pattern among a few of the men that I talked to.
While some were there to support us, they found that they didn’t have any real, consistent strategies to pull from for themselves. A few of them even told me that they didn’t know how to actually slow down and take a break.
Some of the men said that this was due to having such a busy schedule. Some said it was because they were just wired to go nonstop until whatever was happening for that day stopped, which could start in the early morning all the way until the late evening. But the main thing that I gathered from those weird looks and the conversations that followed was that we aren’t allowing ourselves to take these breaks because we think we can’t!
Ok, let me back it up some and talk a little bit more about these convos. A theme that was present in all of them was this intense pressure, whether internally or externally, by all the men to take care of their families and those who depend on them. Cool right?!?
I have that same mentality, and it’s often this pressure I put on myself that has helped me keep my own family afloat, keep schedules going, and help things stay consistent. But the nasty part is the extremely tired, irritable, and cranky other side of pushing myself so hard without the appropriate breaks.
I told all the men, I by no means am perfect, and I am still trying to find my way daily, but I am learning that we need to slow down sometimes to find our balance and to respond and react to things appropriately.
This is where boundaries come in, but not only that. It’s the permission to give yourself the same grace that you have allowed for those who are calling you, tugging on you, and asking you whatever it is they need and want from you.
I had to explain to several of the men that, TAKING A BREAK IS NOT COMPLACENCY OR SOMETHING YOU NEED TO FEEL GUILTY FOR! It is something that should be allowed when things have gotten so jumbled and crazy, it’s up to you to:
A. Step back
B. Set a boundary for your own personal time
C. Get the rest or recharging that you need
We can’t be everything to everyone all the time, even when our intentions are good. It’s just not sustainable. The other thing I stressed is that our body will tell on you at some point. Either we can carve out the time ourselves, or our body’s will sit us down by way of sickness, or God forbid, something worse.
We don’t want to be the one who drove ourselves to an early grave because we couldn’t say “no,” now and again or just take a few moments to catch our breath and reformulate our thoughts and plans.
So, with that being said, create a routine that incorporates time for you. It’s not only healthy, but essential to your survival and sustainability. This can look like
A. Scheduling short walks
B. Journaling at the beginning or the end of the day
C. Exercising (a lot of people jog or run)
D. Carving out time for your hobbies
E. Just having a silent moment to breathe each day.
F. Time for positive self-talk each day (affirmations)
G. Taking the long way home occasionally (may be stopping and grabbing a treat for yourself)
Find whatever works for you and add it to your daily or weekly routine, and as always, keep pushing!!
“I Just Need a Minute,”
A Men’s Guide For Reflection and Reprieve