Say Something Real
By Michelle Bryant
Michelle Bryant
NATO’s Secretary General Mark Rutte has repeatedly called Trump “daddy” during and since the organization’s recent summit in The Hague. Most Republicans, at every level of government, certainly act like Trump is their father. Afraid to speak up, talk back, or challenge the U.S. President, many GOP men come across more as children, at best, or pets, at worst. They are rewarded like dogs for being loyal and punished severely for biting the hand of their owner, who has sway with their constituents. Rutte simply said the uncomfortable part out loud.
It got me thinking about an age-old debate. Which term is more comprehensive: Daddy or Father? I’ve heard people put qualifiers on what encompasses the ultimate responsible father. Housing, food, and financial support only scratched the surface, in many views offered on the subject. Without fail, the concepts of emotional support, role modeling, being present, caring, and being invested were mentioned as things that set certain men apart from others. It is with this backdrop that hearing 58-year-old Rutte refer to Donald Trump as “daddy” was creepy and sad.
Rutte used the term in trying to explain Trump’s role and power in relationship to the conflict between Israel and Iran while addressing Europe’s concern about how the U.S. President would engage with them. Listening to the exchange with Rutte and reporters, as he worked to clarify his statements, gave me PTSD. Growing up for a while with a stepfather who was both verbally and physically abusive to my mother, I learned quickly that you don’t bestow the terms daddy or father on just anyone.
American presidents, fairly or not, are seen as the ultimate caregivers of our nation. They are expected to put the nation before themselves and spare no expense to protect the well-being of its citizens. Like a father, they are expected to set positive examples and lead their households/country in a manner that creates the best situation for everyone to thrive. Good fathers understand that their charges have varying needs and utilize forms of equity to ensure that those entrusted with their care have a fair shot at the American dream.
Donald Trump inspires rivalries for his affection. He is demeaning and cruel, often preferring foul language, and crudeness when he engages others. Governing through fear and instability has become a mainstay of his leadership style. When I think of a dad, this is not what comes to mind. Rutte was clearly ridiculous to use this term to describe the President’s interaction with his NATO contemporaries. But he did touch on an imbalance of power, respect, and behavior that Trump has been afforded that has weakened relationships, democracy, and governance, both domestically and internationally.
Whether Republican or Democrat, I have appreciated men who have occupied the White House without allowing policy differences to fully dominate how they treated others. I believed George W. Bush when he implied that 9/11 was an attack on all of us. I understood what Barack Obama felt when he sang Amazing Grace in South Carolina and shed tears for both Sandy Hook and Trayvon Martin. There are clear examples of decent men who have tried to lead with compassion and dignity. They didn’t want to make America some fantasy of greatness.
Real men understand the diversity of the people that comprise our nation. Real men have worked to serve those who voted for them and those who did not. Real men don’t reconfigure the Bible for personal profit or seek to enrich themselves off the backs of working-class taxpayers. Real men don’t play daddy they do the hard work, day in and day out, whether they always like the job or not.