Kweku’s Korner
By Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi
Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi, formerly known as Ramel Smith
Two words can mean the difference between peace and war. These two words can be said, but 1) said with no conviction; 2) said, but not followed through on; 3) never stated, but remorse and repentance are shown through action; or 4) never stated in any fashion. These two words are “I’m Sorry.” The question is, why is something so simple to say, but so difficult to say?
First, we must understand that saying these words is to admit guilt. When one says, “I’m sorry,” they are saying they were wronged, and I am the culprit responsible for their emotional or physical pain. In a world where we are taught to deny, defer, or deflect the problem until it leaves, beloved, it is difficult to admit we are wrong. An apology is the mark of a person with a high level of emotional intelligence and social maturity.
Second, people understand they cannot fulfill the words of the apology, so they do not lie. For example, when a man repeatedly hits his partner. He may not apologize because he knows his apology will ring hollow because he will continue this behavior. Sometimes we don’t apologize because there is nothing, we can do to right the wrong. One can apologize for wrecking your car, but no apology will help soothe the soul of a mother whose child was lost in the car accident. Sadly, some will not apologize because they believe their apologies will not be well-received.
Thirdly, it is difficult for a person to apologize if they do not feel they have wronged the other party. A person may rationalize their behavior as an appropriate response to the antecedent behavior. And, sometimes, we are all raised with different ethics, morals, and values; as a result, we do not always see eye to eye on the scale of offenses. Cultural differences can account for some of these misunderstandings. Elders will state, “I never would have done this when I was growing up!” And the younger person is confused as to what in their behavior is inappropriate.
The Art of the Apology should follow these five rules: The apology must be made at the correct time and place. The apology must be directed to the person(s) who were offended. The apology must come with a level of sincerity to illuminate the authenticity. The apology must be followed with actions to ensure the words were more than just words. The last rule is to not commit this wrong toward any other party. Why? Because the party you wronged will be looking at you. Anytime you wrong another in the same way, your apology is diminished in the eyes of the one you originally wronged.
The person who apologizes must understand forgiveness is a gift from the wronged and it may not come. Remember our effective apology benefits us. We apologize to remove the burden we carry for the wrong we caused to another sentient being. Who do you need to say this to?