Kweku’s Korner
Dedicated to Austin and Cameron Lee
By Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi
Kweku Akyirefi Amoasi, formerly known as Ramel Smith
In Part I, we stated we would discuss five rules to demonstrate a father’s love. It was designed to be a rule book for those who plan to not just be a sperm donor, but to one who wants to honor a sacred covenant and be a good father. Rule number one was to love their mother. Rule number two was to protect, provide, and show passion for their children. Rule number three was to understand how to reconnect after there was a disconnect in the relationship.
Rule #4: Look, Listen, and Learn
The axiom states, “only a man can raise a man.” I agree and I do not agree. There are many wonderful matriarchal figures that can help a young man matriculate into manhood. There is a level of humanity and compassion that must be instilled by that feminine energy. However, there are some things that it requires a man to teach a man. But, to add to that, it takes more than one man to raise a man. If only one man teaches a boy, then that boy will have all the strengths of that man, but also all of his weaknesses. If multiple men with multiple gifts is part of his training, he becomes stronger and wiser.
My father, Robert Elmer Smith, was a great dad. He always told me “I want you to be better than me.” Now, my father taught me how to love, gave me supreme confidence, and offered a safe space to be emotionally vulnerable. He knew I needed more and allowed other men to instill other lessons in me. For example, Quiller Harris became my spiritual father. He did not try to indoctrinate me with a spiritual dogma, rather he taught me how to be a critical thinker and explore all the cannons to elevate spirituality. Dr. Festus Obiakor was my educational father. He taught me how to navigate my emotions and adequately express my educational ideas in a system that did not appreciate and respect the Black voice. Billy Prince, Larry West, Tom Mollan, Elzie Cockerham Jr, and Charles Freeman were coaches that were more than coaches. These men help to create a discipline within sport that had generalizable skills into life. For young men aspiring to be great fathers or for fathers struggling in this duty: sometimes the answer is around us. We just need to look and listen to see if the answers are right before our eyes.
Rule #5: Be What You Wanted and What They Need
The fact of not having a dad is a poor excuse for being an absentee or deadbeat dad. As rule #4 stated, there are lessons all around us if we want to learn. Innately, we all know what we wanted or needed in our father. No dad is perfect, so even with a good dad there could have been something missing. When in doubt, give your child what you wished you would have gotten. But remember, your child is not you. As you learn your child’s wants, understand they may want what you wanted; but, they may want something else. A great father will study their child and give them what they need (and some of their wants). And, you simply learn by effective communication, observation and interaction.