Kweku’s Korner
By Jordan Brown, MS, LPC, NCC
Licensed Therapist / Author / Owner of No Worries Wellness
Jordan Brown, MS, LPC, NCC
In 2024, you’ve probably heard the term self-love thrown around. Self-love this and self-love that, but you may still be wondering what self-love really means and how you can achieve it for yourself or start practicing it in your own life. This is something I’ve thought about a lot since writing my new book Self-Love Journal for Women. As a mental health professional, self-love is a daily part of my thoughts and vocabulary but that’s not the case for everyone, and it might leave you wondering what it really is and how it’s relevant to you.
Self-love is relevant for all of us. Every single person on this planet can benefit from having more self-love in their lives. I may be a little biased, but I whole-heartedly believe this to be true. Without self-love, you are more likely to have negative self-talk, an unhealthy relationship with yourself, and unhealthy relationships with others. You’re more likely to tolerate harmful behaviors towards you and have difficulty setting the boundaries you need and deserve to protect your time, energy, and peace.
Particularly, in the Black community and other marginalized communities, self-love is an absolute necessity. In marginalized communities, we have experienced varying versions of systemic oppression and other racist and oppressive acts. These experiences send the message that a part of who we are is bad, wrong, and unworthy of the same humane treatment that others receive. Without doing our own internal self-love work, this can easily turn into feelings of worthlessness, not being good enough, and self-hatred. Marginalized communities can use self-love to love on themselves and to reclaim their sense of humanity.
My self-love journey started in my mid-20s when I began gaining more self-confidence. This allowed me to find a new group of friends who accepted me for the weird, fun, flawed human I am, and I was able to be authentic with them. The next turning point was learning about self-compassion in my first few years as a mental health therapist. Adopting self-compassion into my life has made the greatest impact for my self-love. This changed the relationship with myself, which has also changed my relationships with others. Gaining new friends, being kind to myself, and feeling more self-confidence have all helped me set healthy boundaries where I need them, release people pleasing and perfectionism habits, replace unhealthy coping skills with healthy ones, and live a life that I truly enjoy.
Your journey might not look like mine. In fact, it probably won’t and that’s ok. We’re all going to have unique stories and unique journeys of finding our way towards self-love. An important note is that you will not “arrive” at self-love. Self-love work is not just done one day. It is on-going work for the rest of our lives, which can feel overwhelming but it can also be beautiful. It means you always have opportunities for growth and change. You can find my book online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Target to help guide you as you start or continue on your self-love journey.